Really.

I’m getting such serious retaliation from my parental that it’s making it really unbearable to even look =.= I hate doing this just because it seems so…. high school, But I think somehow … someway, she regressed into being more traditional asian. It’s gotten to the point where everything I do is somehow related to how well I can keep a marriage. Not married btw. And I find it funny how it is no way dependent on the guy. It’s just me =.= I also have a really bad attitude where I need to go to class or something to learn better ones, I talk so very uneducated and let’s throw in I’m a disappointment and failure too! So last night I went out for a drive just to clear my head. I got a bit of bakery goods… wrote down everything that went through my mind, And had a cream puff =3 I’m lucky enough to be able to do that at least. I don’t forget how lucky I am but now it seems like since I have become this big disappointment in their lives.. they threw my back to high school. 

And if my job right now — you know in service and purely selling products — wasn’t customer service enough. It looks like I might be forced to get a job in retail customer service. I guess she wants me to deal with worse people than her just to make her look like a saint. Or what she tells me often is that I need a job where I come home a just cry. And trust me, I used to do that enough just from her >.> I know how brutal the retail world can be… maybe not first hand but I’ve seen pretty crappy customers and I’m usually just watching horrified from the buying line. It’s quite sad if you see it :/ Makes you have a little less faith in the world. 

I’m currently conflicted. Moving out seems unreal but very plausible. Seems like it’d just make things harder but…. it’s already getting that way so why not throw icing on the cake. If I wanted the safe route I would’ve just went with what she told me and I would be hating a CVS or something by now (pharmacy. ugh.) 

I have to remember if I’m ever a parent… that if your kid is really insistent that something makes them happy, let them run with it. But always provide a back up~

But since I’m already the kid with the most unheard of disappointment in the house… might as well just keep going to where my guts take me. 

–Kimiko

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One thought on “Really.

  1. i dont even know what to write to that… it sounds all so depressing and so mean and all what you have to go trough…. after the great fun you had with your fashion show and how amazing all the outfits turned out… All i can say to that if it goes on like that stick to your friends they are the better family! They support you they are there for you and you are lucky to have such friends and especially hermsi/gee/jeremy or how you call him :) So take your time with your friend and make the best out of it :3 and moving out would be a hard thing to do since where would you go to.. and how would you get the money to live in your own home monthly costs and so on and so on(not trying to talk it worse) Its not easy to set foot on your own without the right support backing you up and if your family doesnt give you any support than its really really sad and they should be happy that they have you even if you are not what they force you to be but you have many good things about you. You are creative ,you really work hard for something you want to achieve(for example having your own fashion show which you accomplished trough hard work and the support of your friends), you are funny and kind person(atleast i take that from the posts but your smiles when you are happy show that too:3),you are inteligent and have a strong personality to go against parent that force you to be something you do not want to be. Just keep on fighting Nikki someday the world will shine brighter than ever befor just for you because you did go the way that makes you happy:) I will allways be there for you like your friends even though iam far away in germany but still every kind of support counts doesnt it? :) *hugs*

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