Don’t change

Learn from my mistake, please. we all tell ourselves that we won’t change for a guy but…. Once your so into it….. Sometimes only your friends and family can be the one to show you the way.
here is proof that as strong as I have become, there was a time when I was weak and susceptible to every little hanging word that dropped out of his mouth. Its a list I made back in… 08′ maybe? Or 07′… But plain out the guy always complained that I didn’t care for him the way he cared for me. Honestly, that should have been a huge red sign saying ” if you don’t care….. There is probably a reason for that”. he has me so tightly wrapped around his fingers I did enough regrettable things that I still regret. I wasn’t being honest with myself and was trying way to hard to please someone that obviously wasn’t pleased with me.
This list that was made is seriously the dumbest and despicable thing I could have written. And I am only keeping it to remind myself that I will not WORK to care for someone, because I know it will come naturally if I really do have love somewhere lurking inside of me. (har har) But really… It’s one thing to change for yourself and make yourself better. It’s another to be coerced into doing so.

But I am glad the bad relationships happened… Mainly long distanced too. That  way at least all they could do was hurt me emotionally….. Not sure if that is better or worse than physically xD

Girls. Even guys. You will most likely go through many individuals to…test the waters. It’s all about..experience.

You know I actually wrote this last night in bed because I couldn’t get to sleep and I went through some of my old sketchbooks. It’s crazy… he even prevented me from talking to any other guys. In which now… if I didn’t talk to any guys… well I would be really lonely xD It’s not right to have your world revolve around one person. But sorry for the rant… I dunno why I did rant xD Just thought it was… nice to share~

–Kimiko–

Fancy Rice

About a week ago we went to Mochilato and apparently they decided to beef up their presentation with the food! (I think its because of the new Asian girls working there xD) Anyhow.. I like it a lot. This was.. shrimp fried rice! The red part on the side I thought was hot sauce cause… that’s all I could think of that would go with rice… but no. its ketchup!! Which… the rice was kind of.. .bland. So the ketchup helped alot to give it that extra taste >.> Cute presentation though no?

Okay… weekend over. What did I do? …. study.
Freakin =.=

So for my women studies class our whole topic for this week was love and relationships basically.  And it was… really interesting. Why? Cause people told their stories and gave advice which I thought was nice. And honestly… it’s what I already knew and try to go by xD one which is:
“You have to first love yourself to love another”
Which can explain why I’m a bit narcissistic… xDD I just… love who I am. Is that so bad? And as long as someone else loves who I am… I don’t have to really worry xD
That and… don’t try to change the other person.  Don’t try to change FOR the other person. You can change.. they can change. But do it for yourself! Or naturally… cause Its getting obvious to me that I’ve changed… I just have to make sure its for the better xD Someone.. please reel me in if I go too far? >.<;;

Since that rant is over with…. I CANT WAIT FOR TUESDAY =3

–Kimiko–

Forgiving Smile

Topic #159:

Why is it so hard to forgive?

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I think trust is like thread. (Yes I had to throw sewing in it)
It can be used to hold pieces together snugly. Sewing is not so straightforward as just pressing a pedal and watching it come together. Tension and length makes a difference on how well the thread will stay and how it looks overall. Too much tension? The fabric wrinkles up, and if you pull the fabric to straighten it, you can break the thread. Think of it like having a best friend and the day you try to break away to not be so close… part of your trust can go away with it.

So why is it so hard to forgive? Because once its broken.. that initial thread will never be repaired. All you can do is.. run it again in the machine with new thread and hopefully.. you get the settings right. And hopefully.. no one else goes tearing it apart.

Growing up I’ve heard the phrase “Please help us [God] to learn to forgive and forget” My old teacher/mentor used to say that at the end of each session… and it helped me to forgive people~! He also told me one day that my greatest gift I’m giving to everyone is a smile~

–Kimiko–

Who knows fear

Topic #145:

What is a fear you think you can conquer today?

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Fear is just.. a concept. A fragment of your mind people can play off of easily. Knowing that… conquering fear gives a person strength, if you can do it.

I’ve… gotten my share of fears. And I know more will be to come. One that I can conquer today? Risk. I’m a quirky person. I love risk taking but I’ll only do it if the risk… is in my favor. So to speak… kind of hard to explain… who knows when a risk is really.. risky.

Past …day or so I’ve been intent on the masq for AX. It’s been driving me crazy. I WANT to go up on that stage because its over a year past due. But I have.. stage fright. But I want to go up… I really do. Because if I don’t take this step.. when will I? Plus what better crowd than AX? The dorky people of the world xP They’ll cheer for you for going up there! And thats what I need xD So how will I conquer this today? I will commit and DO IT! >.> Yes. No turning back.

That.. and I think I’ll finally cut some fabric xD

–Kimiko–

Acoustic time~

So… maybe to Gee’s annoyance I’ve been replaying this >.> I just.. really like it!! Makes me want to sing but I dont have such a nice crisp voice like IU T.T

Ever had one of those days where you just want to.. clean? Yea. Today was that day for me. I cleaned up makeup counter off a bit, it looks so much nicer now =3 I wish I had the whole thing to myself but I have to share with my sister T.T Oh well, it’s fine. Well.. it would be MORE fine(?) if she didn’t leave like shirts and random fabrics on the table. Yea. I said that. Random fabrics. >.>

Then today I also .. kind of got … err.. well not as nice with my mom? I mean… I love her and all but… Let me rephrase this. She’s awesome but tends to try to control my life a lot. And I like that cause it got me to where I am now! But now she’s pushing a career on me so I had to break free a bit. So right now I’m going on my own path of management. Something I’ve been considering for a while now. And I did discuss this with her >.> I’m not dumb to completely leave my parents out of my career choosing, THAT would be dumb I think. At lease in my case. Anyhow. So she approved of it and it just dawned on me.. SHE used to be there. So its kinda like more shadow following? Meh. At least its not my brother xD

So interviews scare the crap outta me. And she did some questions which at first I honestly didn’t know they were interview questions xDD So I took a playful approach.. she took me seriously.. now she’s trying to … I dunno… help but… not in the helpful-giving-off-vibe way. Lol!! Makes sense?
I just want to figure out my path to what I want before she manipulates it, I value her input but not her demand.

Sorry for the rant… I should rant more. It feels kind of nice? xD Mmm.. pork. *is currently eating*

Bright side? Applied to an intern today!! I don’t know if I’ll get it cause its kinda old.. whatever. Trying is better than not.

–Kimiko–